~Just Lily

Raphael…

a huge part of me is just really disappointed and sad that he gave up on us, that his thoughts were so strong that he felt like he had to end it…

i know what i want is him and that he made a mistake and admitted it…we are human and no one said it would be easy…

i feel like getting back togethers means really having to fully commit to each other, that our fears of what could happen can’t ruin what we have now. that he has to know he can’t just do that to me because of what could or might happen in the future…

that me taking him back and giving this relationship a second chance means no hesitations, no doubts, and no fears. 

i cant promise him forever and neither can he, but i can be the best i can for him and us today and hope that its enough…to make each other as happy as we can and to not give up when fear of the future creeps in…

but im trying, and i want us to be apart of each others lives as long and as happily as we can be. 

its a risk to put myself back out there to be hurt again, but thats the risk in life and love isnt it…to give someone the power to crush you and leave you but hoping they wont…and idk if it makes me stupid or naive to put myself in that spot again…but i can’t be afraid…cause fear of falling again can be disastrous but it can also be beautiful…

I’ve heard it a million times. “You can do better. You deserve so much more.” In reality, you’re right. But sometimes when you love, you love the person for who they are despite what they’ve done wrong to you. That’s what love does to you. It’s not about who you deserve, it’s about who you want, who you need, and who you love.

(Source: daneephermsin)

what if….

so talked to raph today…and he said the whole breakup had a delay reaction to him…and that now he realized we wouldnt see each other, be with each other, just in general not have the other anymore…and that he was stupid for ending it…

he said he had been over thinking and worrying about the future and for all the reasons in the last post…so he said he wants to get back together…

and gahhh i do too…id been thinking about it, and then figuring it was all over still trying to accept it and move on but after a week and a half i just couldn;t…

i guess thats normal with any breakup…having the missing and wanting the other back…but then i think of how hard this breakup was…and how well if we did get back together this would happen all over again…the pain and the saddness…and it was just so hard the first time idk if u could handle it again…

but then its like what if we dont get back…then what…stuck in the same place i;ve been…trying and failing at letting go and moving on…or if we did…then how can this not happen again…it either gets more serious or we just go threw all of this again but later on…and would it be wise to just let this be, or to give it a second chance…

i really dont know, but i dont want this to be a “what if” kinda story…